The trials and tribulations of the six year graduate

This is the bad way of finding out how much your interests mean to you: you grow up in a small city within a rural area of the country. For 15 years of your life, everything is squeaky clean. You're too in the moment of just being a kid to not know what is out in the world. Then life throws you for a loop. You develop a hobby. Not just any hobby, but one that is best nurtured in a very large city. The days of pure enjoyment turn into dreaming for a new locale.

For the first three years, you manage. You think about all the years you have to make what you want a reality. You find out you have enough going for you where you are to stay busy and somewhat enthusiastic about things. Then the next few years become harder because college enters your life and makes you even more aware of what the world has to offer. You begin to shed the skin you had in high school that was nothing but confusion and college gives you direction. In my case, it gave fuel to a fire in what I wanted to do.

Then a few years later you're in my shoes. You're an upcoming college graduate after only six years! The fact sometime bothers you but you're happy anytime you hear of somebody famous who also took six years to get their bachelors. My man Tony Kornheiser! You're glad you went to community college for expense sake, but wish you didn't take so many bullshit classes just because they sounded cool.

The transfer after three years helped. It helped a lot! It gave me freedom and allowed me to be comfortable to living alone and being away from my family. The thing is it's not enough. The college I was transferred was a mere hour and a half away. The comfort, I guess, is that my family is still close. The problem is that I am still far away from everything. Everything that drives my ambitions and everything that excites me.

Now life has become excruciating. I see the comfort of routine and small town life as a good thing and not the end of the world. I see how it would be good to just get the headache of bills out if I could settle into a good paying job with nothing to further push me into debt. College loans are huge. Not price wise considering I stayed local, but figuratively. I always think if I don't get into a graduate school I have a six month leash in which to quickly decide what I will be fine doing for the rest of my life. The problem is that I can see myself being OK with some choices as long as I have my hobby, but I doubt I'll get that job. The job market is so bad that a job at McDonald's is even a race.

The point is that I need to get out. I need flair and excitement. It's a personal story, but it relates back to everyone. College is fun and all. People say the best times because of the limitless freedom and zero responsibility, but it's a hazy period. Confusion about who you are becomes to subside, but questions of what you will do become even greater. The answers seem like obstacles instead of just answers. Everyone wants what you want. Your first thought is that some way, somehow, you'll luck out. I think that sometimes. But I also bet other people do as well. I believe the longer I take to finish school is a sign I have absolutely no clue what I want to do.

I'm hanging on to a few dream theories, but reality seems to hold more struggle than hope. So says the six year graduate....